Out of Body Experience

On March 25, 2014 Tuesday evening, I experienced the most profound and humbling trip of my life. 

Here's the catch: 

I was high off weed. Marijuana. Pot. Whatever you want to call it. 

About DMT/Dimethyltryptamine

DMT is a drug that is produced in many plants and animals, including humans in trace amounts.

This blogger James, does an awesome job of explaining what DMT is. He writes that the "main hypothesis of Dr. Strassman’s work is that DMT explains the phenomena of near death experience. In other words, that your brain releases a surge of DMT at the (real or perceived) onset of death. Almost as though it’s a necessary component of reaching the afterlife."

I highly recommend reading his experience because what shattered his reality, is what shattered mine when I read what he wrote. 

Before I talk about my experience, I feel the need to provide some information about myself to help you understand what I feel and perhaps why I have such a detailed memory of my trip.

1. Unfortunately, even when I'm high, I have never been able to shake off the feeling of reality. I have a tendency to be overly rational. I am the "this isn't real, it's all in your head, silly!" girl. To further this point, when I was 10 I experienced sleep paralysis for the first time. I found out what sleep parlaysis was years later. Some people I've talked to about this believed they were being possessed, but my first thought was "No, I must be dreaming. Okay. Lets figure out what's happening. I can't move my body, but I can move my eyes. Just in case I'm not dreaming, I'm going to stare at my clock. If this is a dream then when I wake up the time will be different. If this isn't a dream the time is still the same then... I don't know." It was 10:19 p.m. I'm staring at the clock, I see shadows moving around in my room. The pressure lifts off my body. It's 10:20 p.m. "Interesting" I thought to myself before I went back to sleep.

2. Not only do I have very vivid dreams and I can remember up to 10 dreams per night, I have had a few precognitive dreams. These precognitive dreams aren't a "feeling" kind of dreams either, where you get good/bad juju's. I mean I can see the actual place, or the people involved in events before they happen. I can also lucid dream at will and have been able to do so as a child. I don't lucid dream as much anymore, since there came a point in my life a few years ago where I never wanted to get out of bed and dream all the time. Lol. Everything in moderation folks... Ha.

3. I was raised in an Islamic household, but I am a apathetic agnostic with a more cynical side. As a child I always questioned "Why?" Religion has never made sense to me, although I respect the beliefs of those who derive comfort from it. Whatever helps you get through life.

4. Before this experience, I had never heard of DMT or ayahuasca. Luckily for me, when I recounted my experience to my friend, she immediately told me that it sounded like I was tripping on DMT and, quite literally, forced me to watch the documentary DMT: The Spirit Molecule. You can imagine how blown away I was when I heard recounts of other peoples trips. I had brushed my experience off as having an insanely weird and bad trip. (Thank you, Sarrah!)

5. Our weed was not laced. I smoked the same weed out of the same bong as my friends and only weed has ever been smoked out of it. 

6. I am a shitty writer. Sorry. Haha.

Pot Induced DMT Experience 

The following account is REAL. I am not exaggerating or filling in the blanks with my imagination. There are parts I don't remember as strongly but most of it I do very vividly. 

It was around 7 pm, I was with my friends Jon* and Matt* surrounded by trees and bushes, standing near the edge of a cliff overlooking a lake. We kept taking hits off Matt’s bong when suddenly, I felt too high. I stopped taking hits while Matt and Jon continued smoking.

I couldn't control what was happening. It was as if something inside me that had previously been locked, unlocked and opened up. Every second stretched out to its maximum potential. I tried to keep myself grounded by stomping my feet on the ground and focusing my gaze but the world seemed to heavily lag. You know how you can freeze a video and proceed to watch it frame by frame? That's what the world looked like. I saw everything all at once, each of its glorified moment standing still in time.

After they were done smoking, we began to head back to my car. But I couldn't walk, I lost my sense of balance and I started to regret getting this high. I recall them telling me to relax and sit down.

I'm high so I figure what the hell, I'm probably just tripping, therefore I should accept and enjoy the high like Jon and Matt are telling me to. So I sat on a bench, closed my eyes and surrendered myself to the drug.

The second I let go, I separate from my head and slide to my right. There are two of me. Suddenly I'm being pulled upwards towards the sky. With insane velocity, I'm flying through a star filled galaxy like vortex.

               screenshot from the Spirit Molecule. 

BOOM. I've landed. I look around. It looks as though I am in a desert, near some mountains; it's all very orange and reddish, similar to the picture shown above. There's a fire pit and these people beings chanting and doing a tribal, ritualistic type of dance around the fire. My eyes follow the smoke rising from the fire and I turn my gaze to a glittery, starry filled sky. I'm enamored by the beauty of it.

Then I look to my left and I see a shaman voodoo woman, her face is illuminated by the orange flames. Her mouth is slightly open, eyes rolled to the back of her head and her eyelids are flickering. She has two bones pierced vertically through her wrinkled cheeks, along with short hair that is beaded. She looks to be in a trance. I don't know if she spoke to me verbally or if we communicated within our thoughts to each other.

"Do you want to go where I am? You'll have to be like me"

"Yes" I respond.

"Follow me."

As soon as she says that, everything turns black. Suddenly I hear the sounds of machines and I feel myself moving to the left, as if I'm on a conveyor belt. Everything around me is drained of color. Right then, I hear a "vhehummmmmm" rumbling sound and there is a strong vibration in my body. I feel a warm sensation rising from my spine to the back of my neck, and when it reaches my neck, the vibrations become overwhelmingly powerful, as if I’m fully loaded.
Suddenly I hear two deep gong sounds and all the color comes back and a rainbow light explodes from beneath me and I go blasting into the universe. I was literally a rocket being launched into outer space. 

The Entity and the Man Being in the Corner

Before I begin, my friend Matt said that my eyes rolled to the back of my head during this part for about 5 seconds.

Stars are whizzing past me as I go further, deeper and higher. There is so much speed and pressure I'm afraid my heart is going to explode. I feel like my skin is going fly off my forehead. It’s all very physical and the intensity is insane. And BAM.


Now I'm standing on a fluffy cloud, surrounded by other fluffy clouds. There is huge bright white light in front of me. I can sense right away that this is some sort of entity, a 'God' like being. Which confused me so much given that I am a cynical agnostic. At this point, any sort of rational thought that I'm high or that this could be all in my head is thrown out the window. It wasn't in my head. Everything felt and looked too real. Being in the presence of this entity guardian light completely terrified me. 

I am horrified.

I could not shake the feeling that I was not supposed to be there.

"What are you doing here?" This entity asks me.
"I… don't... know…"
"How did you get up here? If you want to go further you have to die"
"No... I don't want to die… There is something I have to do..."

I try look beyond the white light entity because fucking A, I’m curious! I am already scared shitless out of my mind but I assumed that I was experiencing my death so I might as well look around, try to understand something, anything, about where I am.

Then I glance at this silent man-like-being standing in the corner on my right. I recall him being very masculine… and with strong looking thighs. Haha. I didn't bother to pay much attention to him since he was silent and just observing, I guess.

Beyond the entity, I see this beautiful soft pink and yellow sky, that perhaps Michelangelo would have painted, and I can make out these dark black shadow beings there. I sensed them all sending out an energy that seemed to say "yes," as if they were welcoming me to join them...

'Yes??'

Right then, I stopped feeling scared.

"Then you must go back" the entity says.

I feel this intense lurch and I'm thrown back into my body. I hear Matt and Jon calling my name, I 'open' my eyes (they just rolled back into place) to see their horrified faces. One of them exclaims, "Dude, your face, your eyes rolled to the back of your head!! Holy shit, I've never seen that before"

Now I’m confused and scared because it was the shaman who did that! I start rambling about the white light god and the shaman who told me to be like her and the man and how it can't be real. I quiet down. I forget what I'm rambling about because another fear dawns on me.

Losing my Humanity

I cannot remember my face.

I had no clue what I looked like. 

I was faceless.

I was a fading reflection of who am right now (me sitting here typing this) and this girl disappeared. I could not, for the fucking life of me, remember why I was here; here in this physical dimension. I could not identify with my body. I vaguely recalled I had things to do… somewhere I had to be… I tried hard to remember but I couldn't figure it out! I stared at Jon and I reassured myself that he has a face and Matt has a face. So where the fuck is mine? Aren't I supposed to have one?

But why did it matter? 

I began to question why I even wanted to remember. I questioned the way this girl lived her life in this realm, her choices, her existence. I looked at Matt and I said "there's something I'm supposed to be worried about... I think I have to go home by a certain time, but why? Why am I worried about it? There’s something else out there, there's more places. It’s not what I thought, I don't know anything but everything I do know I have to let go and relearn" I quieted down again. Hell, I don't even know if I said all that out loud or if it even came out coherently. 

Suddenly I remembered/recognized this feeling. This is what it feels like to be a baby. Fresh out of the womb with no memories, past, thoughts of the future or any idea of who you are. 

I close my eyes. 

Now I see a vividly colored geometric, mosaic lion.

Then I'm flying again with crazy velocity towards the sky and I'm out into the universe. The stars are zipping past me again and I’m going deeper and further. All I hope for is to not go too high where I would accidentally meet the entity again. I can see each dimension as I fly past them! I recall feeling excited when I glimpsed at what I understood to be the "astral plane" before I flew past that dimension. So cool.

Then I come to a stop.
Now I'm standing in a galaxy void, and I can see these other beings moving about in the distance. I'm too far away to make any clear distinctions of what they truly look like but I stand there simply staring. I stared in awe at the stars and these beings. It's during this moment that I'm hit with an overwhelming feeling of familiarity. I remembered that these are all souls.. And we have all been here before! Whether you know it or not, your soul has been there! 

And I was not a human anymore. Let me say that again, I was no longer a human being. I wasn't even a “was” or an “I.” I became a pure soul of the universe. The purest form of the universe I could have ever been. There were no attachments, no sorrow, no pain, no fear, no longing, no desire, no difference, no culture… hell, this
world didn't even cross my mind.. and I felt..

Equilibrium. 

Unimaginable halcyon, this ecstasy of bliss.. I cannot explain to you how beautiful it was... Indescribable... And incredibly humbling.

I was one. Everything was harmonious. Everything was separate, but it was all one. I don't know how long I stood there. This place exists without the constraints of time.

In that moment, I was what I have always been. What we all are. 

But I knew that there was something important I had to do back in the physical. A reason I had to go back. I didn’t know why I had to but, I had to. Then somehow I’m back in the physical realm.

This entire journey apparently lasted around ~12-15 minutes. No. Fucking. Way.

An hour or so later, my memory blurs here but I just hung around Matt, Jon and our friend Nate until I sobered up enough to be able to drive home. Earlier Matt suggested that I listen to music, but I said nothing dreamy sounding because I don't want to leave my body again!! Then finally no longer being pulled out of my body. As I'm driving... There are geometrical patterns that begin forming out of the night sky towards me. Some of the patterns have a thin fluorescent green, purple, red or orange borders with symbols. I am awestruck and dazzled. It's as if the universe was showing me it's secrets, playing a little game of show and tell with me.

Finally, I get home. I walk into my dark room, turn on my light and slowly began to look in a mirror. "It's time to find out what I look like..." I said to myself before I look. I also savored the moment before I turned towards the mirror. I knew that the second I looked, all my memories and everything that I am will come crashing back to me, and I will no longer feel like a newborn baby. I looked.
"OHHHH, so that's my face!" 

I crawled into bed. I felt safe in my bed and if my soul is forced out while I sleep and I die, it's okay because I am in my bed. Although, I was too afraid and couldn't sleep properly for days afterwards. I was too frightened to close my eyes in case I was forced out of my body again and I would meet the entity and the man being in the corner. I’m fine now but...

*The Physical After Effect*

Since that night, I feel this weird leaking sensation on the bottom left portion of my skull. It feels as though a gateway has opened up. It’s a discomforting itchy feeling and I constantly feel the need to press my palm against my skull to prevent this 
"leaking" feeling. Update 5/13/14 the leaking feeling stopped for about two weeks, but it has started up again. What the hell is this and is there anyone who knows what I'm talking about?

And I’m changing… I am not as afraid of death. What I experienced has given me reason to believe that an afterlife does indeed exist. Although, seeing the 'spiritual' realm makes me want to explore as much of this physical realm as much as I can. There is so much I want to see and explore here before I die (whenever that is!) 

I believe our consciousness can exist anywhere and it lives on without our physical bodies. 

I have changed so much. I feel like I've seen so much, experienced a millennium, that I have to share this! 

Food For Thought

if anything, this asks more questions than it answers :P

1. How was I able to experience this while high off weed? I understand it's very possible to have this experience without DMT. Did I simply happen to somehow produce enough DMT to cause a disembodiment of my soul and travel to the, for lack of a better word, spiritual realm? Although "how" may not necessarily matter, if there is a way, shouldn't we try to find out? Just as physical human beings living in this plane? Especially when there isn't any concrete evidence that DMT is indeed made in our brains?

2. If you watch(ed) Spirit Molecule, my experience is incredibly similar to those in the video, which makes sense because this is an actual place- that's why we all felt and saw similar things. Of course, I also understand that this dimension is incredibly vast and I only saw a small portion of it.

So, if you read this article you'll know that the writer, James, talks about the "man being in the corner" and how that blew all rationality out the window. If you read my experience, I mention the same man being standing in the corner!! 

I am so blown away by the fact that there are other people who have seen this specific man being in the corner. How in the fuck...?! Everything else, I would have left to coincidence, but seeing the same freaking guy... That's odd. I know that perhaps I, and others, will never fully understand what all this is and that perhaps we aren't supposed to. But I am one curious fucking cat. In retrospect, (I actually forgot to write this) I believe this man holds a lot of... power? Knowledge? Something? As if he's the actual puppet master and the white light entity was just a distraction for me to not notice him. 

3. I have been unable to bring myself to smoke weed ever since that night. I am nervous that I will somehow end up back to the entity and the feeling that 'I was not supposed to be there' and that they will ask me what I'm doing there again, will happen... or that I will choose to die. I don't know how to explain this feeling. I don't believe that the entity, or man in the corner will hurt me or that I'm afraid of them. It isn't like that. I'm more afraid of the choices I may make if I want to go further, if dying becomes an option again. Maybe it won't. Regardless, I am fairly certain that I will eventually try DMT, one obvious reason being to see the difference between this journey and one actually taken with DMT/ayahuasca, but only when I am ready to. I do not want to rush into anything.... Unless, the universe forces me into it again :p 

Thank you for reading.

- Turrm xx